I vaguely remember how I used to be during yesteryears. It seems like the seconds are clocking in too fast and I find myself having the most difficult of times trying to catch up with those running hands. Memory seems to fail me a lot lately – or maybe I’m just getting more selective with what I’d like to remember. Sitting on this throne with my Tiger Beer mug of water patiently sitting at the corner of the desk, this clutter of absolute random knick-knacks (which I like to categorise under organised mess) is getting slightly too unbearable for me. I would love to start cleaning up a little and get myself “in the zone” but I give myself no more than two days before it resumes to what it’s always been, the trash stash.

When was the last time I actually sat myself down and drowned myself in literary prose? These days, words fail me, and it becomes a chore trying to express how I feel. This is the first time that I am placed in such an awkward position and I cannot help but feel somewhat crippled. Unable to pen down my thoughts, unable to speak out – it’s like a rope throttling round my neck, causing my heart to constrict and my eyes to water because really, I just have so much in me that I want to say. And these thoughts and opinions, I need to get it out of my system. It is not just words that fail me now. My thoughts have started to become a disarray of grey that I can never mix right. It is a very frustrating feeling and I end up purging out this bad energy by refuting others and going into sudden anger fits for no apparent reason.  

I spoke to a friend about this yesterday. Because yes, I admit it. I have anger management problems. And these problems ought to be addressed before it hits the point of ultimatum. She mentioned that meditation is a good start, to constantly be mindful and to convert any negativity into positivism. Needless to say, if I knew how to do that, the world would be a better place.

Now let’s try, oooooooooooooo-za.